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The Invisible Rope: Rebuilding Epistemic Self-Trust After Coercive Abuse
An exploration of coercive control, and how self-trust is rebuilt through the lens of the elephant (with Dumbo of course)
Bianca de Verteuil
8/25/20253 min read
The gentle giant, the elephant, is one of the most spectacular mammals that walk this land. Wise, highly intelligent and empathetic, forming deep social bonds with their herd. There is a famous parable where a man sees a fully-grown elephant stationed by a flimsy rope tied around its ankle. He wondered, how can such a large elephant be controlled so easily? He ventures this thought to the trainer, who replies with a single word: conditioning. Take a small, fenceless baby elephant and tie them to an area so they learn they cannot break free. As they grow, they believe that efforts to liberate themself are futile. They are, in essence, entrapped by their own beliefs. This is learnt helplessness - a sustained and marked lack of self-trust.
The word trust is derived from the Proto-Indo-European word "tree" and also means "physical solidity", "safety". Ergo, self-trust reflects the capacity to remain grounded in oneself, withstand life's challenges, and trust in one's ability to weather its storms. In the absence of epistemic self-trust, one is prone to self-abandonment.
Most would believe they'd never be prey to this kind of conditioning. However, research shows how fragile that confidence really is. Solomon Asch (1962) showed how easily people betray their own knowledge under social pressure - a group of actors stood in a lift facing the back, and an unwitting participant, entering behind them, conformed within seconds: turning to face the back, then the side, removing his hat because everyone else had. Many studies like this show how easily people lose trust in their own cognitive resources in the face of losing social connection.
Katherine Dormandy (2020) describes self-trust as the belief in oneself as a source of knowledge. Social epistemology instead frames it as something built through social mirroring - credibility, standing, being believed. Both point to the same fragility: coercive control damages self-trust by systematically destroying someone's ability to identify as a knowing self, until there is collapse. The person is entrapped with an invisible rope that isolates them further.
Because of how far this collapse can go, catching it early matters.
To rebuild it, one needs to practise small micro-judgements, embrace failures, and regulate emotions through ambiguity and uncertainty. It is in the interaction between the social epistemic environment and the individual's sense of self that one can experience the coherence that rebuilds it. Story makes this abstraction concrete. Self-coaching or therapy allows a person to build faith in their own testimony - to build a knowing that they interpreted their experience correctly. From there, feedback is calibrated to build agency, room is made for forward-focused actions in line with one's values, and emotions are allowed rather than suppressed - while committing to forward action that is in line with values. Over time, this builds a cohesive narrative around one's own story, rebuilding where autonomy collapsed. Therapists serve as a resource for this: asking what do you think, where are your values, reflecting back the moments where trust is visibly emerging, gradually reducing dependency on external validation.
Going back to elephants, many will remember Dumbo. Mocked and downtrodden, told his ears made him ridiculous, until his friend Timothy Q. Mouse told him he could fly. He did, once, by accident, finding himself in a tree with no memory of how he got there - a symbolic reminder of the solidity he regained within himself. Still, confronted with the truth of his own ability, Dumbo could not trust that he'd done it by his own volition. So a crow handed him a "magic feather," and with it, blind to the magic being only his own belief, he soared. But, the feather was never magical. It simply held Dumbo's belief until he could hold it himself.
May every person who has lost trust in themselves find their own magic—knowing the real magic is their faith in themselves.
I write about the intersection of public health, psychology, trauma, and social epistemology, exploring how coercive control affects agency, identity, and recovery.
#PsychosocialRestoration #Psychology #TraumaRecovery #CoerciveControl #EpistemicTrust #Resilience #Therapy #MentalHealth #Leadership #EpistemicSelfTrust #SocialEpistemology #PublicHealth #PsychosocialHealth #HealthPolicy #EvidenceBased #KnowledgeTranslation #InterdisciplinaryResearch #Research
References
Darke, L., Paterson, H., & van Golde, C. (2025). Gaslighting and memory: The effects of partner-led challenges on recall and self-perception. Memory, 33(7), 828–844. https://doi.org/10.1080/09658211.2025.2533253
Hailes, H. P., & Goodman, L. A. (2025). “They're out to take away your sanity”: A qualitative investigation of gaslighting in intimate partner violence. Journal of Family Violence, 40(2), 269–282. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10896-023-00652-1.
Lohmann, S., Cowlishaw, S., Ney, L., O’Donnell, M., & Felmingham, K. L. (2024). The trauma and mental health impacts of coercive control: A systematic review and meta-analysis. Trauma, Violence, & Abuse, 25(1), 630–647. https://doi.org/10.1177/15248380231162972